


Dio Fucks A 7UP Can For My Sick Pleasure

by RocketQueen14



Category: 7up, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: At least I'm listening to Animal Crossing Music, F/M, My friend loves Dio to death, Oh yeah that's right, So I am swallowing my pride to write this shit, Well this Funny Fucker hates him, Why do I always write Jojo shit to Animal Crossing, why am I doing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 23:56:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16028666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocketQueen14/pseuds/RocketQueen14
Summary: DIO DIDDLES A CAN





	1. Chapter 1

   Dio the man the dickman the dog destroyer Italian loving fuck Brando was super happy and horny inside of his mansion in Egypt and that was because the love of his life was coming to see him; Candice the 7UP can.

   They had a very casual relationship at first but tonight oh BOY tonight he was going to give her the experience of a lifetime. He is going to give Candice the 7UP can The WORLD and that World was his dick.

   Yes, his seven inch pecker was just ready for sexual desire. He had nervously discussed it with Hol Horse and Vanilla Ice if he should do it tonight, and they both said "Boy you gotta fuck it's like the eighth date that you had with her and she's getting seriously wet and that's not because she's a can of soda" and Dio, nodding said, "yes of course, I will do that I will have sex with Candice the 7UP can because I love her very much and I want to marry her."

   However, he did not tell this to ENRICO PUSSY because Dio knew, he just fucking knew ENRICO PUSSY would have a fit and yell at Dio for being such a sinful fuck.

   Dio was glad that ENRICO PUSSY was not in the mansion at all today because he also smelled a lot like garlic bread and Dio, being a vampire, did not like garlic because it burnt his baby nose but at the same time it fueled his fetish for Italy so he liked the pain.

   He lay in his bed naked like a baby with his lube, a jar of marinara sauce beside him (because of the Italian fetish), waiting for his lover to arrive in the bedroom.

   Then, without knocking, the little rascal slid in! What a naughty girl. Dio had to punish her for this naughty behavior. She rolled on the tile floor towards Dio and magically hopped up on Dio's bed. At the sight of him in the nude, a red tint appeared on the can.

   "Hello baby," he said seductively towards her. Gently, he picked her up and set her down on his chest, obviously teasing her as his vainy sonnuvvva throbbed just for her. "I figured this date could have more action, if you do not mind, my dear~"

   Candice was even more red. Dio could see little 7UP drops slide down her face. She was nervous.

   "Don't tell me....you're a virgin!" He laughed happily. "I'd love being your first, my dear. I bring great joy to women by being their first. I mean, just ask Erina. Well, she's dead by now but fuck she was cute. I'll be very gentle with you, my dear, lemme just lube up."

   Removing the lid from the can, he dunked his penis inside of the can, which made it shatter completely. The sheets, Dio's phallus, and the floor was covered with glass and spaghetti sauce. He also opened up a bag of pepperoni and sprinkled it on his penis, further fulfilling his Italy fetish.

   "I take it you're on the pill, my darling?" Dio asked, even though he should have no idea about birth control since he doesn't even know what fucking cars are.

   The can slowly moved up and down. It was a nod. She was ready for his love.

   Blushing profusely, Dio gently grabbed Candice and stroked her lid, getting her aroused. His member also throbbed, but that could also be from the glass that was stabbed inside of it from the jar. 

   Several drops of 7UP rolled down from Candice's side. She was wet. Very wet. She just wanted Dio to tear her open, and that's what he did.

   He gently lay her on the bed covered in sauce and cooed her, rolling a finger down her side.

   "There's no need to be scared, pet, I'm going to be so gentle, you won't even feel it."

   Well, Dio's version of gentle and everyone else's version of gentle was miles apart. Similarly, as he acted with the jar, he shoved his whole penis inside of Candice with it emerging from her bottom.

   "Good lord, you really are loose," he commented quietly. "Are you sure you're a virgin?"

   Candice looked up and she was even more red than before. She looked away in shame. Blood from Dio was stained on her sharp edge.

   "Candice....is there another man?!" Dio asked angrily. He could not believe this! His heart was breaking....and he actually wanted to die more than ever.

   Candice looked away. There was no more sweat dripping from her face-only tears.

   "What was that?" Dio asked her calmly. "I cannot understand you when you are crying like that, my dear. I've had numerous relations too, so I completely understand you. I'm not mad anymore, sweetheart. You can tell me anything and I'll be there for you."

   What Candice told shook Dio to the core. At the news, he quickly removed her from his privates and slammed her against the wall.

   "YOU HAVE AIDS?!" Dio bellowed loudly. "Now...I have vampiric AIDS....you whore! Get out of my life, you bitch!"

   Crying, the can rolled down the stairs and out of Dio's life. Dio now had vampiric AIDS. He told everyone and they were shocked. ENRICO PUSSY cut all ties with Dio because they were ashamed of Dio.

   Stone Ocean never happened and Dio died of vampiric AIDS.

 


	2. Fuck me

RIGHT AFTER I POST THIS SHIT I GO TO OPEN UP A CAN OF CHEF BOYARDEE BEEFARONI AND THE SAUCE JUST EXPLODES I'M COVERED IN DIO'S LUBE GOD DAMN IT I FUCKING HATE DIO MOTHER FUCKING BRANDO!!!!!!


End file.
